Having an interesting day... I had a pretty reasonable day at work today and only got a little tired so was happy then went to the gym but during the last few hours of work something snapped and Colin came out to play. With all the great girls donating and organising an amazing workout session for charity I snapped. It's not because I don't love the effort and am entirely grateful but because of old Casie who much preferred to hide out of the spotlight and helped others. The thoughts that always pop in my head is holy crap what if they want something in return and what if I don't make the money and let every down is the main one. It makes me uncomfortable and I don't know why.
I want it to be about the cause not how awesome I am cos frankly I don't think I am worth all this effort. Don't get me wrong and I hope people reading this doesn't take it the wrong way as it is all my mental issues and I have always down everything myself so this is weird for me. It got overwhelming as I have no clue on how to return the favour. I had a cry and a sob and blurted out to nathan who is just as anti-social as I am if not worse and helped me see a little clearer.
Then comes my next issue.... my man (aka my rock) is disappearing for 6 weeks to Melbourne so what if I collapse in a heap without my rock. He is my stabiliser and I hate to tarnish such a great image of me that Chrambo wrote but I have just as many issues as I do passions. Nathan understands me and helps me deal with my emotions like no one I know so this will be a hard 6 weeks for me but I will get through this. I will keep saying I will get through this.
Fingers crossed for a loss tomorrow because I am getting alot stronger physically just need the mentality to catch up but I will however give myself snaps for not binging not even once.
To round up my blog I just need some time to get my head around friends that actually help and support me and not expect anything in return. I want you to know how much I have been used in the past and don't know what to do with true friends sadly.
This blog is not a feel sorry for me blog its a I want you guys to understand why I have flipped out and maybe a little more about me.
God I hope I don't let you guys down :(
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