Got up early, much to my disgust. Went to bed emotional last night but didn't eat anything that wasn't dinner so I will give myself a high five for that. Gym session this morning was good but took every ounce of my energy to motivate myself just not in a good head space right now and need to shake this feeling off and tell Colin to get back into his cage.
Colin is that negative voice in my head. My good friend Bonnie told me one day to give the negative voice a name so I can tell it to Jump off a cliff and recognise that it isn't the real me. Man it works a treat. I don't get angry at myself I get angry at Colin. I named him using the first letter of my name and making it male (The opposite sex). So if you are male reading this it helps making it female cos we don't always understand the opposite sex and I sure as hell don't know why Colin like to torture me.
Some days I wonder and amaze myself that I don't have depression. I did however suffer from panic attacks during the hell years. Too much stress will do that to a person. My last panic attack was over a year ago now so YAY. Cos man I hate those. Was at the ED twice because of the bastards.
Ok so today is a new day and I am finding it therapeutic to write down my thoughts even if no one reads them it is still helping me.
Working this afternoon so hopefully it will be a great shift.
I vow that this week I will slam out another 30km at least I felt so lazy last week and well lookie here no weight lost. My fault really but also nothing gained so there is a plus there.
Have a great day everyone.
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